Wow exactly 2 months since i updated my blog. But that's ok. I have many things to say, like finally!

First off, I FINALLY GOT THE HOLIDAY I WANTED. Seriously i have been looking forward to this term break for my entire life. I needed it so much, away from projects and all the bitchness from people. Secondly, i coloured my hair sweet pink! Heh, ok it isn't really pink. It's somehow like pinkish brown. Can't imagine? Oh well, i have pictures on my facebook. That is, if you can find me on it. Haha.

And from blessing from my aunt, i went to taipei and hongkong! I love taipei so much i want to go back there again! The food, the people and the shopping. Hongkong was neh, not for me. Boring and the people i have met so far really left a super bad impression in me. So tsk. But if anyone is willing to bring me to hongkong again, especially with my good friends, i might change my impression. (:

Today is my 1 year 2 month with someone special! Well, nothing much to say. Things have been turning up great for both of us, or at least to me. Ok, he kept saying he was different from other guys but i didn't believe him. I guess he was right. Haha. Then again, i don't know whether to hold on to us. I mean, he is going ns next year. God knows what will happen next. I know he will go oversea to study after that. Girls, if you were me, what would you do? Hold on? Wait for him back here in singapore? I really don't know. People can have alot of changes in a month. Let alone years. Then again, people say if you love someone, the wait is worth. How can you guarantee that we would still be in love when the person comes back? Its like, i try to come up with every reason to stay. But i always contradict myself. How will i be able to face this or how am i going to struggle when you're gone, i promised myself that i will leave it to God and not worry a thing anymore. Its like, i really cant bear to leave you. The thought of you disappearing makes me cry to sleep. But if its time to let go, i will. But for now, i will just keep holding on.

Lastly, i am alright with my friends now. I have learned to let go of some but we still talk. Just not that close anymore. It has come to my understanding that nothing last forever. So in other words, i know that some day, i will have new friends and romance once again. Another cycle awaits for me.

HAPPY 1ST YEAR ANNIVERSARY MY LOVE. <3

Ok to those who are wondering why i don't put pictures of mow and i, truth is, i don't have any. We just hardly take pictures together so if my art work is shitty, just shut up. I'm already sad enough that i don't have nice pictures of he and i. Then again, who cares. I already have a film of scenes in my heart and millions of captured moments in my mind.

Had a really great time today. Everything went well and okkkk. My surprise wasn't exactly a surprise since somebody apparently figured out that his gift was from me. But glad that he liked it. Or at least that's what he claimed. Haha. I know it isn't that great and yeah. People might think i'm a cheapo. But that was all i could get last minute. I had to cancel my plans due to some stuffs. It sucks ok. Sigh. Anyway, thanks fion for helping me. ^^.

Met mow for a late lunch at macs. Wanted to go to subway but ended up in macs, due to some spoiled kid which obviously isn't me. Had fun walking around in circles like an idiot with him, though i got abused. Had fun laughing and smiling. I just love it when he doesn't even try to make me smile and yet he is doing it right. Ate double cheeseburger, like finally. Slacked for awhile and we went home. Love you sweetheart. Thanks for making this day a special one. (:

Anyway, about my life, i just don't care about it anymore. I have lost enough friends or maybe people just change overtime. I feel sad but there is nothing i can do. I guess i just have to accept the facts and let them go. Studies? Still as sucky as ever. I thank God, however, for my wonderful group mates and awesome friends who stayed by my side nevertheless. Been falling sick recently but it is not going to stop me from my studies. This week is the last week of school! Yay! Then again, it will mean its crash course for semester exams. Yikes.

2 MORE DAYS TO SOMETHING SPECIAL. <3

It happened so long ago, it all felt like a dream. Now each time we walk passed each other, the past flashed back quickly and sadly. I was happy it did exist. I was sad i didn't listen to my heart for the first time and i was wrong. I was angry we ended up this way. Overall, i just have to keep everything inside me until it overloaded. Still, i will remain strong for i will not give up my present for the past. I just really hate what i am feeling now because i dont know what i want anymore.

I miss my church friends. I miss laughing with them and stuff. I have changed and drifted away, apart from this family and the body of christ. I feel like a fool for not appreciating my gift from God. I still get the conscience and the voice. Yet, its becoming so faint i can barely feel or hear it anymore. God, i still love you. I know i do. I just don't know how to show it anymore. Maybe because i feel dirty and just ashamed to face you. But deep down, you know how much i feel for you.

School is really hectic and i barely have time to sleep much even on the weekends. I miss how time passes slowly where the world didn't seem so fast. Projects and tests are stressing and ripping me apart. But i guess nobody knows how i really exactly. Not even myself. I am so used to keeping everything inside me and just smiling for the sake of showing that i'm fine. I'm such a pretender that i even managed to convince myself that i am fine, even though at times i know i am not. I just hate relying on people anymore. It makes me seem weak and vulnerable and dependent on people. I want to be different and i know i will.

Well, yeah this is also another post to a group of friends. But to this group of friends, i want you to know that we miss 'us'.

Remember the first day we all met each other? We all were from different schools and races and religion, yet being able to come together so united that we won the most united class award? Look at us now, slowly splitting apart. Friendship isn't about a group of people taking initiative and the others don't. We admit we all have our own misunderstandings and miscommunications but that doesn't give you all any reason to continue to be sour in it. It doesn't give us the right to ignore people and hurt others. It doesn't give you any rights either, to continue to drift away. Unless you are trying to say that you don't treasure this 1.5 years of friendship at all. By continue to be sour in it and not moving out, it clearly shows who and what kind of person you are.

To tell you the truth, i lost many friends in my life. In fact, i never felt so close and accepted before until i came to this class, to know you all. But i never felt so affected when i saw our clique splitting apart. Don't always harp on the negative things. Think about all the things we have done together! All the kpop, the screams, the laughter and the tears we had together. Don't they at least mean something to you?

People are born differently. Some have loud characters while some on the other hand, tend to be softer. But does that mean that these two ends will never together? Ever heard of, ''differences is what that brings you together?" Being with someone that is exactly the same as you is a good thing. But it can also mean that you will never be able to understand others and to also see the shine in others as well.

Look at us today. All of us defended ourselves as one against the horrible mabel. Do you think other class have the strength to do that? They only defend themselves because they feel accused and not because they see their fellow mates being shot down by teachers. But look how we defended wanying! Look how we helped shakeela! The bond we had, have you ever seen in any other classes? Guys, really. Think about it. Look at those birthday celebrations. WE CELEBRATE IT AS A CLASS, NOT A CLIQUE. Even dr teo was there all the time! (or most).

I know at times, we will be unhappy with one another. But nobody is perfect. Everyone should be given a chance to prove themselves. Is this not why we became friends? Should we continue this curse of FPQA where friends will split apart over peer evaluation and stuff? Is it worth to ruin this 1.5 years of friendship and on going? Think about it.

I know it will be awkward sooner or later. But i do hope any misunderstandings or miscommunications to be cleared.

PS I sacrificed my sleep and literally cried when i typed this. I miss the 14 of us as a clique. I hope you do as well.